Struggles....

Why is that in life we have good days and bad days? Ultimate highs and all-consuming lows... I guess you could say I have been in some of those all-consuming lows. This hasn't been a bad year but it's been a year where happiness has been few and far between...when depression creeps in and seems to control your life. Those times when even things that should be great and fulfilling leave you with little more than a sense of relief that it's over. I struggle with depression and all the horrible things that go with it. I struggle with life, and people, and just making it somedays. I realize I am being extremely open and raw here. This year in dealing with this I have injured a lot of friendships with cruel and uncalled for things. That only later adds to a depressed persons anguish. But I dare say life is a struggle for those same people. We all have a mask that protects us from the world.

A friend told me once I had multiple personalities, and in a way I do. I have the strong I can do anything personality (has my husband told me once "I'll throw anything out there and see if I can do it), the spoiled bratty, I want my way personality, the weak help me personality and the drama queen me. However I don't think these are truly "multiple personalities" just what makes me. All of these things together are what makes me...ME. However it is often hard to share the real ME. I think that is true for everyone. Life is hard. I have yet to reach the point that it is easier.

They say life is a journey....not a destination. At 41 I still don't know where the path may lead. I struggle with so much....religious beliefs, politics, family, and so much more. But I know the answers may never come.

This morning I had an e-mail from Rev. Run Wisdom (yes the same Run of Run DMC) that said "Happiness is the GOAL". That hit me....I just want to be happy and it is up to me to be that.